Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
