Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
