no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
