Don't make out with my wife yet
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
