I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All the doctor said was why
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
