There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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