i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize