he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
