so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
