can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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