no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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