I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
