my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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