I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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