Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
