this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
