i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
