Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
