Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize