Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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