Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
