I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
