Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
