Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
