Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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