Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize