If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
