Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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