Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
