Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
