...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
