So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
