I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dick has a subreddit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
