Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
