This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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