walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
