If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
