so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
