I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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