In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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