we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We have so much sex to catch up on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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