Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize