we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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