guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
