i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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