He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
