He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
