I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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