i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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