Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
