I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
