I look better un-naked...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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