Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
