im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
