I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
