I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
