toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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