Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
