now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
