last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
