How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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