Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
