we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if only i could text you this smell
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
