2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize