Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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